Say what you MEAN to say...

Blunt. Forthright. Direct. Abrupt. Brusque. Curt.Unceremonious. Plain spoken. Honest.

All ways people describe my communication skills.

I would think that if someone is known for this that the words they speak would be taken at face value and not have to think that hard about what that person meant. One wouldn't have to "read between the lines" because the lines are really close together and stated very clearly.

I'm here to tell ya: That's just not the case!

I have learned that I'm responsible for what I say, not what you hear. It took me years to get to this head space and I'm unwilling to back track.

I no longer say what I think you want to hear. I no longer think about what you want to hear. I say what I say and I mean it, almost all of the time. I have my moments when I'm 'being that way', but those moments are very apparent even to me. I, invariably, apologize.

I've learned to be careful with my words. Don't get me wrong, I'm (sadly?) not a people pleaser. When I say careful with my words I mean that I bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut A LOT!  Because I have, also, learned that you cannot take your words back EVER. You can apologize. You can change. But you can never take back something that you say out loud. Or think out loud when you didn't mean to say anything. 

My 26 year old daughter might say something. Me, I'm biting down on my lips so hard they might bleed, but I'm keeping my mouth shut, dammit! She will look at me and say, "Shut up, Mama!" Thus my next curse: I was born with a glass face. You can sometimes see what I'm thinking REALLY WELL! We, of the glass faces are struck by the cruel irony of being unable to keep you from reading what we are thinking, but I give myself credit for not saying it anyway. So there...

I say all that because, today, someone that I have known and been close to for 2 years got weird with me after I said something. 

Me: I'm glad she's calling you, because I don't get to hear from her much.

Someone: I'm not going there.

Me: Is there somewhere to go with that? I'm just saying I'm glad she's talking to someone.

(crickets...)

Me: Who woulda thought that would be a show stopper? haha.

Continue on with the conversation about my kid's school, which I was showing these two lovely women in the truck with me. Take the person home and my friend that's in the car with me mentions in the course of our conversation that there seemed to be some hostility there and obviously something is going on. I tell her I wasn't aware of anything going on.

But now it's in my head.

So, I call my husband (who is one of my spiritual advisers, my closest friend, and a great sounding board for when I don't understand what is happening) and told him about the conversation and he explains what's going on from his view and I'm floored. Why would someone who knows me well think I'm criticizing someone who isn't there. Sheesh...

I had to whip through a 10th step and check with an adviser to see if I needed to clean up a mess I had made and here I am...

I contacted both people: the one that I was speaking to and the one we were sharing about (notice I said sharing about and not gossiping) and now I wait...

Having realized, yet again, that I should ask after people who aren't there. I should just contact them directly. But anyway...

(sigh)